There is a diner near my house where I have breakfast every Sunday.  It is the unofficial gathering place for the neighborhood, the kind of place where you’re greeted by name — not only by the owner, but by the guys who sit on the same stools at the counter, everyday. 

The food is standard diner fare, but the donuts!  Homemade, with a heavenly scent of cinnamon, a slight crunch to the outside, warm, soft, inside.  Perfection. 

And so, when someone posted something on Facebook about the diner, I commented “The best donut you’ll ever have.”  Thus started the great donut war. 

Someone disputed my claim, writing, “I’ve had better donuts from the supermarket. Overrated.”  Supermarket donuts?  What kind of nut was this guy? I shook my head and said, well, it’s a free country, and that means you are free to be wrong, even about donuts.  

I let it go, and got on with my day.  He did not.  Every time someone else posted about their love of the donuts, he responded again.

Why?  Was he one of those people who’s proud of fighting the donut pastry-archy?  Was he nursing some longstanding donut grudge against this diner? Didn’t he have anything better to do?  Didn’t he have someone in his life who could say to him, “Let’s go for a walk and leave all this donut talk behind us?” Whatever, he seemed to have invested a whole lot of himself in this discussion.

Of course, this is the nature of social media. In that universe, you are expected to have an opinion about everything, and the more strident the better.  And while this is plenty healthy for those who profit from stirring up strife, disagreement, hot takes, and general crankiness, it is not healthy for the rest of us. 

There are things we should be passionate about like injustice, suffering, kindness, beauty.  And there are places where we should express that — although I contend social media isn’t one of them. I don’t think anyone has had their mind changed by a hot take on TikTok.  

Even when we express our views on topics worthy of our time and mental energy, can we do it winsomely, respectfully, with enough humility to leave room for the possibility that we just might be wrong?  St. Paul was someone well acquainted with conflict, bad blood, name-calling, and everyone pointing fingers at the other side and crying “heretic!”, Thankfully he didn’t have to do it in the cauldron of social media.  (Can you imagine the flame wars he would have been in?)

In Romans, Chapter 12, Paul had wise words for trolls of his time:  

“Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.”  

So far as it depends on you … you can choose peace.  Still, sometimes you will find yourself in the middle of a fight about something that really matters. Paul says, engage if you must, but “do what is honorable in the sight of all.”  Other times, it will be within your power to live peaceably with all. 

He goes on to say, “Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.’” 

Perhaps, when God comes to make all things right, my donut friend will be vindicated in his contrarian view on breakfast pastries.  But until then, I say to him — and to myself, when I feel drawn into some silly controversy — dude, it’s just a donut.